My latest project

De-Patriotism

It looks like you won't be seeing me here for a while.

Thursday Thirteen: Buildings

Another week, another Thursday Thirteen. Also, because the Thirteens are a brief list, there are usually deeper stories to go along with some of the items. If you want more of the story about something, put it in a comment and I'll put it in a post later in the week. This week, I said goodbye to two important buildings to me and my history. Here they are, along with eleven others:

1. Northeast St. Petersburg, FL - Our house. Duh.

2. Rockledge, FL - My parents' house.

3. Great Village, Nova Scotia, Canada - My grandfather's cabin on the Bay of Fundy. I've spent a lot of summers there. Where I had my first beer. Where I had outdoor sex in a field...

4. Plantation Course, Kapalua, Maui, HI - The most unbelievable golf course.

5. Fairfield Mountains, Lake Lure, NC - We spent our family vacations here, in the Smoky Mountains. It was especially great in the fall, with the change of colors and the cold weather.

6. Epsilon Hall, University of South Florida - My freshman year dorm.

7. The now former headquarters of my almost-former work, Palm Harbor, FL - Let's be honest, the place was a dump. Between the inconsistent temperature, the overflowing female toilets because chicks don't know how to dispose of their feminine products, the rat infestation of 2004, and the vending machines that never vend, I'm glad my friends are moving out of there. But it was where I got my first "real" job.

8. St. James Park Underground Station, London, UK - The gateway to the rest of London for our honeymoon. It's not the largest, most impressive tube station, but it was home for 4 days.

9. Arsenal Stadium, Highbury, London - The now former home of Arsenal. Our trip up to that neighborhood gave us a look into real, non-tourist London life. The houses seemed cramped and tiny. They go for 500,000 pounds, or about $850,000. The tour into the completely unimpressive locker room of the team made me understand why they needed a new stadium.

10. Ice Palace, Tampa, FL - While we're on sports venues. I've worked there and seen U2 twice there. And yes, I still call it the Ice Palace.

11. Estella's Mexican restaurant, Tampa & St. Petersburg, FL - Our favorite restaurant. We go there once a week, at least.

12. Golden Gate Post Office, Naples, FL - My ATM. The people there are good to me and loooove insurance.

13. The Chase Manhattan branch, somewhere on 5th Ave north of 42nd St, Manhattan, NY - Kathy and I spent the night there once. It was nice. At the time it was the only place in the city with electricity, air conditioning, and a working ATM.

Thursday Thirteen: Tough Days

Today was a tough day, but necessary. Here are more of my toughest days:

1. November 15th, 2005: The day my mother was diagnosed with throat cancer.

2. September 11th, 2001: I was stuck in class, so I didn't get to see much of it as it happened. The news by mouth was scary enough.

3. Late November, 2000: The day I wrecked my car in Orlando. I still don't follow as closely to the car in front of me as I used to.

4. Early May, 1999: The day I broke up with my first love to move away. Long distance relationships don't work, especially in a dorm full of hotties. That's what I told myself.

5. Late January, 2004: The day Kathy broke up with me. Don't worry, she came begging for forgiveness three weeks later.

6. March, 2005: The day we were stuck in the Paris' Charles De Gaulle airport because they overbooked the flight back from our honeymoon.

7. November, 2001: The day the relationship I had before Kathy fell apart. Something that intense, even though it was pretty short, held a lot of pressure. Contents under pressure tend to explode.

8. January, 2002: The day I came home to find that the apartment I shared wth my roommate had flooded due to bad plumbing. All of my possessions from the first floor were crammed into my bedroom on the second floor.

9. November, 1999: The night I drank so much I thought I would have to go to the hospital. Since I was 18, I also thought I was getting arrested for underage drinking. My first real bender.

10. January 16th, 2000: My first birthday away from home. No one celebrated with me because I had pissed off most of the dorm.

11. The two weekends of insurance class. Four 10-hour days of studying fascinating things like return of premium and annuities. It was all worth it, though.

12. The night I went down to Fort Myers with my roommate. He left the party to chat up some girl, leaving me with stoners I didn't know. When they were passing the pipe, I should have tried it instead of being scared. I wonder where those guys are now and if they still know how to score a bag.

13. February 26th, 2005... just kidding, honey!

Ever fart and sneeze at the same time? For a split second, it feels as if you just spontaneously exploded. Everything that was in your body is now rushing out.

Just my luck. I'm about to quit tomorrow and I spontaneously explode right in the corridor.

"Here is our memorial to our fallen product specialist, Scott. It's a Beano dispenser. You take one, and you have a chance to experience life as he did."

Simply Brilliant

Remember, remember

The 5th of November

Are you serious?

Wifey and I run out to Starbucks (for a study break for her and a XBox Tiger Woods break for me). We go to the drive-thru one at ParkSide Mall. Gold Infiniti is ordering ahead of us. They get up to the window and the barista is dealing with the person in the back seat, a 30-ish male, while two older people are in the driver and passenger seats. After a couple of minutes, the barista returns with water in a Venti cup. The guy in the backseat asks for another paper Tall cup and some more napkins. It then takes them another minute to drive off. What the hell was that?

The scenario in my head: The two elderly people are driving around their retarded son. He wanted some Starbucks. He wanted the extra cup to share with the folks. Why does this make sense?

BECAUSE ONLY A RETARD WOULD GO TO STARBUCKS FOR WATER!

Thursday Thirteen: Office Space

Kathy talked me into doing this thing. It's alright, I guess. At least I know I'll get one post out each week.

Since my week has been dominated with thoughts of working and jobs, let's do a Thursday Thirteen about my working life.

1. My first job was as a cashier at Winn-Dixie (for those who don't live in Florida, it's the most disgusting of our three/four major supermarket chains). I earned just enough money to pay for my hockey equipment before I bailed.

2. My next job was washing golf carts at the local golf course. I wasn't into golf anymore and I got fired for playing too much hockey and not being available to work.

3. I worked as a phone solicitor for a week. I tried to get people to donate to a non-profit publishing company that published a newspaper with the names and addresses of sex offenders. I thought I would never sell again...

4. After the solicitation experience, I went back to the golf course and begged for my job back. I got it and took as many shifts as I could get. I soon got back into golf (since it was free, I might as well). Those couple of years was the best years of working I've ever had. We had so much fun. Having the girlfriend come by when it was slow was a good benefit as well...

5. I had to quit to move away to college. At my going-away party, I got trashed for the first time. My boss had some North Carolina moonshine in his garage. We played a dart game and the loser had to drink the jar. I suck at darts.

6. I next worked as an usher at the Ice Palace. I saw every Lightning home game that year (when they sucked) and some great concerts... well, one great concert, one concert where I caught a contact high, and lots of terrible ones. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Jimmy Buffett, and N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, respectively.

7. I worked as a courier at a law firm downtown. That was fun. I could spend hours screwing around, and then get back to the office and blame it on traffic.

8. I nearly asked a girl out from the office, but she had a kid and I was 19. That was too much to think about. She was cute, though.

9. After a house party, some co-workers and I went down to the club. This led to the underage drinking, getting thrown out of Empire, and running from the cops incident.

10. Next, I worked in IT at another law firm. My boss was a Croatian, and I fear he has shaped my opinion of Eastern Europe as a whole. World-class asshole.

11. A newly-divorced attorney constantly flirted with me. She was 30+, but she was hot. Fortunately, I was only single for three weeks during that job and couldn't close that deal.

12. I only made friends at that job on my last day. It was sort of sad that it took me leaving for me to get to know everybody.

13. My current job has been well covered in this blog. The only thing I haven't discussed about it is that I'm quitting next week!

Stole this from Kelly on MySpace

Type your FIRST REACTION when you hear these 35 words (don't spend time thinking - just your gut reaction please):

1. I need: sleep

2. Sex: yeah buddy!

3. Relationships: are what it's all about

4. Your Last Ex: hasn't changed

5. Power: = $

6. Marijuana: close, but no cigar

7. Crack: is whack

8. Food: lunch

9. This President: retard

10. War: retarded

11. Cars: blue and green

12. Gas Prices: fuck that

13. Halloween: Michael Myers

14. Bon Jovi: How are they still on the radio?

15. Religion: everyone needs something

16. MySpace: so many people, so little time

17. Worst Fear: death

18. Marriage: highly recommended

19. Fashion: Target

20. Brunettes: sure, why not?

21. Redheads: sure, why not?

22: Work: sucks

23: Pass the time: at work

24: Football: Arsenal

25: One night Stands: those days are past

26: Pet Peeve: slow drivers in the left lane

27: Pixie Stix: legal crack

28: Vanilla Ice: Surreal Life

29: Porta Potties: Hard-Fi concert

30: High school: horrible for 3 1/2 years, awesome for six months

31: Pajamas: no thanks

32. Wood: penis

33. Surfers: losers

34. Pictures: surrounded by them

35. First Love: Cathy

How Ironic

On her birthday, she finds out she'll be having many more.

Happy birthday, Mommy! Can't wait for next year's.

You should need a license to have kids

Parents jailed over fire deaths

So let me get this straight. Even these two retards' defense attorney admits that these people are stupid, actually formulating his defense around this fact. And it looks like he was successful; only two years for the mother who taught the two-year-old to play with matches as a "party trick"?!? The father only gets a year because he was a drunk who couldn't be bothered to raise his children?!? Sometimes even Britain is too liberal for me...